Start with a conversation, not an interview
Choose a few questions for each meeting and give both people time to answer. Share your own view instead of collecting answers from the other person alone. There is no scorecard here: the purpose is to understand expectations and notice what needs more discussion.
Specific examples are often easier to discuss than broad promises. Replace “Are you supportive?” with “If one of us received a job offer in another city, how would we decide what to do?”
Family and living arrangements
Discuss what everyday life would look like, including responsibilities to both families.
- Where would we like to live, and what alternatives would we consider?
- How would we make a decision if our parents wanted different things?
- Which caregiving responsibilities do we already have?
- What boundaries around visits and private time would feel comfortable?
Money, work, and plans
You can discuss habits and expectations without exchanging passwords or documents. Leave space for plans to change.
- How would we divide everyday expenses and savings goals?
- What does each of us expect about work after marriage?
- How would we handle a period when one person earned less?
- Do our preferences about children and future responsibilities align?
Disagreement and emotional support
Ask about a real disagreement and what helped resolve it. Pay attention to whether both people can disagree freely.
- Do you prefer time to think or a conversation right away?
- How would we return to a difficult topic after taking a break?
- What does an apology mean to you in practice?
- Which decisions should always be discussed together?
After the conversation
Write down what feels clear, what needs another discussion, and any important incompatibilities. Do not assume silence means agreement. You are allowed to take time or decide against a match.
Vedastro’s scenario experience can help organize discussion prompts. Its reflections are not a diagnosis, an assessment of someone’s worth, or a substitute for consent and lived experience. Share a guide link if useful; keep private answers between the people involved.
These guides explain traditional interpretations and reflection tools. They do not predict guaranteed outcomes. Read about our methods and privacy.